McGrath Moments

I have a new outlook on life. A few weeks ago I got a call from Ed that changed everything. He told me that I needed to come pick him up from work and take him to the emergency room. He said something was wrong with his eyes or his brain. He was seeing double. We went to the emergency room only to have them release us fairly quickly and dismiss everything he was telling them. He was "in good health". Ed knew something was wrong so he had me take him to the optometrist to get evaluated. The doctor at Lens Crafters was great. He was very concerned and did a very thorough eye exam. Unfortunately no questions were answered because Ed's eyes and all of the muscles in the eye were healthy. We just went home hoping that a good nights rest would fix the problem. Ed woke up the next morning upset and said the double vision was much worse. We knew we needed to get answers. We went to our primary office that morning and saw a nurse practitioner who took everything Ed was saying very seriously and called and got us in with a neurologist that afternoon. She was very concerned about his symptoms. At this point Ed was convinced that he either had a brain tumor or was going to go blind. I kept reassuring him that we will figure this out and get through it together, no matter what it is. We are a team. Inside I was dying. I just had a baby a few weeks earlier and my hormones were all over the place, but I knew that for Ed's sake, I had to continue to be positive. He needed that. The neurologist decided we needed to get an MRI as soon as possible, but because it was already Friday afternoon, they couldn't get us in anywhere. We had to suffer the whole weekend with worry. We had the MRI the following Monday in the early afternoon and had to wait for the results until that evening. The neurology office even stayed open late for us because they knew we needed the hear the results. Were they going to tell us Ed had a brain tumor? A stroke? An aneurysm? MS? What was causing this? Would he ever be able to drive again? We knew that after we went into that office for the results, our lives were going to be changed forever. Before we went in to hear the results we sat in the car and cried. I can't even describe the torture. We are only in our thirties. This is NOT supposed to be happening. We just had a baby!! I even took the baby with us to hear the results because deep down I thought there is no way this doctor is going to be able to look me in the eyes while I'm holding a newborn baby and tell me my husband has a brain tumor. The MRI was negative. All clear!! As happy as that made us, there were still no answers and still a big problem. Ed drives a lot for work and he couldn't drive at all. What would happen with his job? How would we pay our bills? Would he ever be able to play catch with the kids again? We needed to fix this problem! The neurologist referred us to an opthamologist, but of course the first available appointment was almost two weeks away. In the meantime, Ed adjusted to the double vision the best he could and even started driving again. I started investigating his problem. I am still on maturnity leave so there was no way I could just sit at home and worry. I needed to figure out what was going on. I was able to isolate which nerve was affected by the direction of the double vision and "diagnosed" him with an idiopathic, which means of unknown origin, 4th nerve palsy. I was correct in my diagnosis. This nerve palsy is however sometimes caused by an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. All I could think is, "oh great, one more thing to worry about". This disease causes severe muscle fatigue and the first symptom is double vision or eye lid drooping. This disease would dramatically change Ed's lifestyle. Once again, we had to wait to get tested for the disease. More waiting, more worrying. Ed just had the test this morning and I am happy to report it was negative. We are feeling so blessed and relieved. The opthamologist said that we will have to wait 3 months to a year for this to resolve, but that it should completely go away. It sucks that Ed will have to deal with it for that long, but we can deal with it knowing it is not something more serious. The lessons I have learned from this experience are huge. This sounds weird after how long Ed and I have been together, but I never realized how much I love him. I can't imagine my life without him and believe me, through this whole process, I thought that might seriously be a possibility. I have learned to enjoy everyday and I know that sounds so cliche, but I really mean it. I am so thankful to have today with my husband and kids, because I know now that we might not have tomorrow. I have also realized what supportive friends and family we are surrounded by. All of the babysitting everyone has helped with during all of the doctors appointments and all of the prayers have been so appreciated. We are so blessed. Right now it is just a waiting game for the palsy to resolve. Ed has done a great job adjusting to the double vision. All in all, we are a stronger family for this experience.

Our precious new baby BOY, Brock Edward, was born on April 10, 2012 at 4:53pm. He weighed 6 lbs. 6 oz. and was 18 inches long. The first week has been exhausting physically and emotionally, but all worth it when you look at Brock's precious face. He is beautiful.

The OB warned me of more intense aches and pains this time around and she was not kidding!! For those of you whose teeth I clean, ignore me saying this, but my hands are almost completely numb all of the time from swelling and just my job in general. It is like nothing I've ever expereinced. It is terrible!

Braeden brought home a spelling word assignment that he completed in class last week. The directions had him pick 5 spellings words from the list and write 5 sentences using the words. This is what his sentences were(mind you, they spell things as they sound):

1. Did you grow?

2. Did you show your udr-war?

3. My udr-war blows.

4. Your pase are down.

5. Come to powp?

I wasn't really sure what these sentences said, so I had him read them to me. This is what they were supposed to say:

1. Did you grow?

2. Did you show your underwear?

3. My underwear blows.

4. Your pants are down.

5. Come to poop?

Was he serious? Did he really think this was okay? I never expected Braeden to write these type of sentences in class. I asked him what he was thinking and what his teacher said. Braeden,"She thought it was funny and wanted me to bring it home for you to see." Oh, she thought it was funny. I doubt it!! She probably wanted me to see it because it is completely inappropriate!

I had Braeden read his sentences to Ed and believe me, after his reaction, there will be no more assignments with bathroom humor!!

First a few pregnancy picture memories...

3mo.


4mo.


5mo.

Last Friday was Brenna's Christmas concert for school. We decided to take her teacher's Christmas present to give to her. On Monday morning Brenna had a nice "thank you" note from her teacher. When she got home she was really excited for me to open it. I opened the envelop and handed her the card. She opened it, paused for a moment, then looked at me and said, "there is no money in this card!!"

On the way home Sunday evening, all four of us in the car...

Braeden: What does SEXY mean?

I looked at Ed. Sometimes I just don't feel like answering those questions and it had been a long weekend. I also just kind of wanted to hear his answer.

Ed: It means that you are attracted to that person...that you like how they look. You can only say it to the opposite sex, so you can only say that to a girl.

As Ed is explaining "SEXY" to Braeden, I am thinking "what if he wants to say that to a guy someday."

That is just a whole other conversation, though.

Me: Braeden, you cannot say that to ANYONE-girl or boy! You are too young to be saying that word. I don't mind that you know what it means, but I don't want to hear you say it to anyone until you are much older and married!

All I need is a call from his teacher saying that he is telling his female classmates that they are sexy!!

Whenever the kiddos have questions about God or religion, I get a little nervous. I don't feel like I have all of the answers and sometimes I have questions of my own.

Today I had my first visit at the perinatologist office and it went great! Talk about a huge sigh of relief! They said the baby and all of his/her organs look great and just as important, my cervix is staying closed and my body is doing everything right.

Yesterday was my first test on whether or not I can stick to not finding out the gender of the baby and I passed!! The Dr. asked, "are we finding out what this baby is today" and I said, "no"!! My Mom thinks that because the Dr. turned the ultrasound screen away from me, that it is probably a boy. With the other two kids, I had a feeling of what their sex was before we found out and I was right both times. This pregnancy, I have no idea! If it is related to morning sickness, this is definitely a girl. Deep down I hope it is a girl just because Brenna is extremely excited to have a baby sister and I don't want her to be disappointed. Braeden says he wants a brother, but I don't think he wants a brother the way Brenna wants a sister. But...to be perfectly honest, I am not sure our house can handle anymore female hormones. We already have our Diva. Either way, we are completely blessed and will LOVE he or she with all of our heart. So let the mystery continue.

Not sure how I feel about that. 32?? That just seems pretty crazy. I've been reminding myself of what I always tell my patients when they complain that they are getting old, "it is better than the alternative." That is really not a good way to think about your birthday. So on to more positive thoughts...

By the age of 32, I have graduated from college, gotten married, own a home(or at least continue paying for it!), have two healthy children, and one on the way. I have a GREAT family and amazing friends. I have a good job and I enjoy the people I work with. I have really been blessed during my 32 years. So no more focusing on how OLD I am getting, but rather all of the great experiences in life that come along with getting older.

On another note, the best Birthday present that I received today was Braeden's football team winning the "Superbowl" for the Kaw Valley League! Go Piper Pirates! They went undefeated this year and today was an exciting finish. More blogging and pictures on this to follow along with some pregnancy updates. I am feeling great now, so hopefully I can get back on track with this blog. No more nausea and slightly more energy!

I am a mess this pregnancy! First of all, I feel horrible all of the time. It is like having a hangover everyday, all day, without having all of the fun the night before. I'm 10 weeks, so I hope this will be going away soon. I am constantly eating just to feel half way normal, yet nothing sounds good to eat.

I am lazy. I have no motivation to do ANYTHING! On Thursdays and Fridays, since I don't work, I used to get up, get the kids ready and then take Braeden to school. Brenna and I would head off to Target and the grocery store. We'd come home, clean the house, and do the laundry. If the grass needed cut, I'd do that too! Now I'm lucky to get off the couch to do one small chore a day. Kind of a shock for Ed! Thank goodness my Aunt comes every other Tuesday to clean the upstairs...all of the bedrooms and bathrooms! At least that is getting done, just not by me.

I am constantly in a bad mood. I can't snap out of it. I really don't want to leave the house unless I have to. It is weird, but it is not really depression. It is like I'm always on edge. Don't make me mad because I have no tolerance for anything and unfortunately, it is our kids' job to make life complicated and right now, that is not something I can deal with. I truly feel bad for them!

Last Thursday before dropping Brenna off at dance class, I stopped at the gas station and went inside TO GET FOOD! I hardly ever go into gas stations and if I do, it is only to get a coffee. I came out with Grape pop, Jalapeno potato chips, and Gummie Bears. What a mess I am!!

The way I am acting, you'd think this is the first pregnancy for me. Not the first, but definitely the worst so far. I hope I snap out of this soon. I wish I could say this is the last blog where I'm going to complain about being pregnant, but somehow I don't think I'd be telling the truth.

...and so am I! I am 9 weeks pregnant and we are expecting a baby at the end of April. We are very excited, but we'll never forget how Braeden's pregnancy and arrival into this world went, so I will be on pins and needles until April.

At my first OB visit I was told that this will be the most uncomfortable pregnancy since it is my third. I can expect things to happen faster and the pain/discomfort to be more intense. I have already experienced that. The muscles in my abdomen have been quite achy. The morning sickness has been bad. My mood is all over the place...mostly in a bad place! She told me to plan to be in maternity clothes by 12 weeks. That is just around the corner. I didn't need new clothes until 5 to 6 months with Braeden and Brenna. We'll see what happens!

We waited to tell the kids until last week and they are pretty excited. Brenna keeps telling me what dresses she is going to put on the baby and how she is going to fix her hair. Braeden wants a brother. Someone is going to be disappointed! We aren't going to find out what it is, so it will be a big surprise to everyone on delivery day.

I have been waiting to post that I am pregnant because it puts it out there for everyone and I am always so scared something will happen, but here we go...publish post!

Every evening I lay out the kiddos clothes for the next day. Anything you can do at night to save time the next morning is the way to go!! Anyways, as soon as Brenna got out of the bath Tuesday evening she was asking me what I was going to pick out for her to wear tomorrow. This is how the conversation went...

Brenna: I am SO excited to see what I am going to wear tomorrow!

I picked out a matching skirt and t-shirt outfit that my parents bought her.

Brenna: Oh, Mama! I love it! I will look so beautiful and the kids will want to play with me!

Me: What do you mean the kids will want to play with you?

Brenna: They will say, "oh you look so beautiful, where did you get that outfit?" Where did I get this outfit, Mama?

Me: You got it from Grammy and Papa.

Brenna: Ok, I will tell them I got it from Grammy and Papa.

Me: Um Brenna, don't you think the kids will want to play with you because you are a nice girl and friend and not because of what you are wearing?

Brenna: (absolutely did not care what I had just said to her)I can't wait to show Daddy what I am wearing!

Too young for this!!! I found it all very disturbing and sad. I think it is sad that she thinks this way. I'm sure none of the kids at school care what she wears and I wish she didn't care as much. The next morning we had this conversation/fight...

Me: How do you want me to fix your hair today?

Brenna: All up.

As I am putting her hair in a pony tail, she changes her mind.

Brenna: Never mind, I want pig tails.

Me: I don't have time to change it now. You can pick pig tails for tomorrow if you want.

Brenna(with her teenage attitude): That's fine!! I will just change it when I get to school anyways!!

I just ignored the comment, but then I started thinking about it later. Am I going to have that child/teenager who packs her "prostitute wear" in her book bag and slips it on along with a ton of make-up once she gets to school. Absolutely not! Little does she know that she is training me now to be a mother who watches her like a hawk. I am learning what she is capable of while she is young, so I will be prepared for the "Future Brenna"!!!

I am thankful for great neighbors. I didn't have a babysitter to watch Braeden last week for his final week of summer vacation and I had a great neighbor step up and volunteer to watch him Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday while I worked. Thank you so much, Jill!!

I will have to say that there are a few neighbors that have been kind enough to watch Braeden and Brenna in a pinch and I appreciate it so much. I love that we live in a neighborhood full of families and we trust each other with our children. It really is a comfort to know that there are other people looking out for your children and that these people have become friends.

We spent a couple of days last weekend at the lake. I love boating and swimming and the kiddos were very excited to go. My sister and her husband, my parents, my Aunt Terry, Ed and I and the kids all spent the day on the lake. We had a great time!

And then we decided to spend the night. IN A TENT! I am NOT an outdoor kinda girl. I pretty much bathed in bug spray. I hate bugs. All bugs. Bugs that fly. Bugs that crawl. Bugs that make noise. I don't discriminate.

I only agreed to do this because Braeden has been begging us to go camping. I finally gave in and seeing how much fun he had made it all worth it. It's not that I haven't been camping before. I have gone camping so many times that I cannot count them all. We went all of the time when I was a child, but with one big difference, my Grandpa sold RV's. We went camping in style. We had a kitchen, bathroom, beds, and best of all air-condition.

This was different. This was roughin' it. We cooked hot dogs by the campfire and made smores. All the time being attacked by bugs and butterflies. Yes, I said butterflies! They dive-bombed our heads, clung to our clothes, and swarmed all around us. I have never seen anything like it. We even had to move from the campfire to a grill to make the smores because they were such a problem.

We were home the next morning by 7:15am. I made it as long as I could, and then it was Home Sweet Home!! I'd do it all over again to see how much the kids enjoyed themselves. They even enjoyed my ghost stories! But, I can only handle the outdoors in small doses. It might be a couple of years before they convince me to do this again!

This summer Brenna turned 4 years old!! June 28th, 2011, the same day that Ed and I celebrated our 8th Anniversary! She decided she wanted her birthday at the movies because the new Cars movie came out the Saturday before her birthday. I think she also had some encouragement from her brother. A win, win situation for him...a party and Cars 2!



For some reason Brenna has become quite a fan of Superman. She loves to watch the movies and play with the action figures. To make it a little more "girly" I got her a Super girl cake and she LOVED it!!

I think this is our 3rd or 4th birthday party we have had at the movies and every time we do it, I get so stressed out. I get stressed taking just our two kids to the movies because I always worry if they are going to stay quiet, or who will need to go to the bathroom and how many times they will need to go, and who will spill their drink or popcorn. What if there is a bad word in the movie? On and on, just worrying. So explain to me why I keep having their birthday parties there where I get to worry about it times 15 other children??

Happy Birthday, Sis! I'm glad you and your friends had a good time!

Byrds Dance Recital June 26, 2011

Brenna had her first dance recital this summer. She looked absolutely fabulous!! I have never seen a cuter bunny!

I was the room mother for the recital. We had all of the girls all dolled up. Make-up, curling irons, hair and body glitter, the whole nine yards and they had such fun!

They danced to Benny the Magic Bunny and if I never have to hear that song again, that would be fine with me!!

This is a picture of Brenna dancing at the rehearsal. Since I was back stage for the actual show, I was able to watch the rehearsal to take video and pictures. She surprised me so much for the rehearsal. If you remember back to when I tried to get her to first start her dance class, she was screaming and crying and refused to go and we had to do the Mommy/toddler class, well that is how she acted when they had to take her from me to go to the dressing room. SCREAMING and CRYING!! But as soon as she got on stage to do her dance, she did GREAT!! She did even better at the actual show. I was so proud of her!



I didn't even think that she was going to get to participate in the actual show, because on the way home from the rehearsal, which was in Lawrence, she threw-up all over her costume. Apparently, and I am NOT judging, but the mothers who were back stage with them for the rehearsal fed them snacks the whole time to keep them quiet and occupied. Well, Brenna's tummy did not like it and she threw-up about half way home from Lawrence. It was all down the front of the costume...matted in the fur collar, stained, everything! My sister was in the car with me and she just looked at me while I was driving and said, "You are going to cry when you see her costume." She was right. I was convinced that I was never going to get it clean enough for her to participate in the show. Luckily I did and the show went on!! But seriously, why does stuff like this have to happen to me? I don't think Brenna has ever thrown-up in the car, but the one time she has on this expensive costume that she needs to wear again, it happens!! Good times!!

I need to get some of Braeden and Brenna's activities documented. I have been pretty bad about keeping up with their milestones, interests, and activities. Braeden first!!

At the end of May, we were invited to Braeden's class Kindergarten Celebration. Each student was given their Kindergarten completion diploma. We looked over their school work for the year and had cookies and juice. It was a fun time to celebrate a successful year with his class.

Each grade level at Delaware Ridge Elementary does an "Investigation". It is part of the Expeditionary Learning program at DRE. The Kindergartners did an investigation of frogs. They presented all that they had learned about frogs in a program at the end of the year. Braeden was a cattail. I still remember the lines he had to recite: I am a cattail. Mommy frogs lay their eggs in us. Frogs use us to hide from their predators. In order for Braeden to memorize it, I, of course, had to memorize it too!

Summer fun in the backyard with friends and family!

And then there was Tball! Same team as last year! It is amazing how much difference a year will make. Last year we were playing in the dirt and running the wrong way. This year we can catch balls and make outs. Pretty impressive progress!

On another note, I grew up with a girl named Meghan. We were best friends ever since I can remember. Our Moms are best friends to this day. We always knew that our children would be friends too. I just don't think it ever entered our mind that they would be BOYS!!

Braeden and Chase played each other in Tball this summer. Here is a cute picture of them!

I was very thankful that my office sponsored our team this year! Thank you Dr. Roberts! Best boss ever!

I has been a fun summer and Braeden says he is not ready for school, but ready or not, it is coming soon! Same teacher, same class! At least it won't be a big change for him. At DRE, they keep the same teacher for two years. Good luck in first grade Braeds!!

I knew this day would come. Today was the first "I don't like you" day. I'm sure soon to be followed by the "I hate you" day. Brenna was in rare form today. Even my sister couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. To top it all off, Ed is out of town. We will be having a long discussion when he gets home because there is no way this behavior is going to continue.

On a side note...Braeden is 6 1/2 yrs old and has still not had his "I don't like you" day. It is amazing how different siblings' personalities can be, even raised by the same parents, the same way.

This post was intended to be done from my new phone. I actually got a new phone last Friday. I was so sick of Ed saying how embarrassed he was by my OLD, OLD phone. I knew how to work it and it was just fine for me. Now I have the new HTC 4G AT&T phone. I have to admit it is pretty fabulous and I wanted to type my blog from it, but surprise of surprises...I can't work it, so I am back to the laptop.

This weekend I was thinking to myself, okay I have a new phone. What's next for me? Joining Facebook? No, there's no way I am ready for that yet. One step at a time!