McGrath Moments

I have a new outlook on life. A few weeks ago I got a call from Ed that changed everything. He told me that I needed to come pick him up from work and take him to the emergency room. He said something was wrong with his eyes or his brain. He was seeing double. We went to the emergency room only to have them release us fairly quickly and dismiss everything he was telling them. He was "in good health". Ed knew something was wrong so he had me take him to the optometrist to get evaluated. The doctor at Lens Crafters was great. He was very concerned and did a very thorough eye exam. Unfortunately no questions were answered because Ed's eyes and all of the muscles in the eye were healthy. We just went home hoping that a good nights rest would fix the problem. Ed woke up the next morning upset and said the double vision was much worse. We knew we needed to get answers. We went to our primary office that morning and saw a nurse practitioner who took everything Ed was saying very seriously and called and got us in with a neurologist that afternoon. She was very concerned about his symptoms. At this point Ed was convinced that he either had a brain tumor or was going to go blind. I kept reassuring him that we will figure this out and get through it together, no matter what it is. We are a team. Inside I was dying. I just had a baby a few weeks earlier and my hormones were all over the place, but I knew that for Ed's sake, I had to continue to be positive. He needed that. The neurologist decided we needed to get an MRI as soon as possible, but because it was already Friday afternoon, they couldn't get us in anywhere. We had to suffer the whole weekend with worry. We had the MRI the following Monday in the early afternoon and had to wait for the results until that evening. The neurology office even stayed open late for us because they knew we needed the hear the results. Were they going to tell us Ed had a brain tumor? A stroke? An aneurysm? MS? What was causing this? Would he ever be able to drive again? We knew that after we went into that office for the results, our lives were going to be changed forever. Before we went in to hear the results we sat in the car and cried. I can't even describe the torture. We are only in our thirties. This is NOT supposed to be happening. We just had a baby!! I even took the baby with us to hear the results because deep down I thought there is no way this doctor is going to be able to look me in the eyes while I'm holding a newborn baby and tell me my husband has a brain tumor. The MRI was negative. All clear!! As happy as that made us, there were still no answers and still a big problem. Ed drives a lot for work and he couldn't drive at all. What would happen with his job? How would we pay our bills? Would he ever be able to play catch with the kids again? We needed to fix this problem! The neurologist referred us to an opthamologist, but of course the first available appointment was almost two weeks away. In the meantime, Ed adjusted to the double vision the best he could and even started driving again. I started investigating his problem. I am still on maturnity leave so there was no way I could just sit at home and worry. I needed to figure out what was going on. I was able to isolate which nerve was affected by the direction of the double vision and "diagnosed" him with an idiopathic, which means of unknown origin, 4th nerve palsy. I was correct in my diagnosis. This nerve palsy is however sometimes caused by an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. All I could think is, "oh great, one more thing to worry about". This disease causes severe muscle fatigue and the first symptom is double vision or eye lid drooping. This disease would dramatically change Ed's lifestyle. Once again, we had to wait to get tested for the disease. More waiting, more worrying. Ed just had the test this morning and I am happy to report it was negative. We are feeling so blessed and relieved. The opthamologist said that we will have to wait 3 months to a year for this to resolve, but that it should completely go away. It sucks that Ed will have to deal with it for that long, but we can deal with it knowing it is not something more serious. The lessons I have learned from this experience are huge. This sounds weird after how long Ed and I have been together, but I never realized how much I love him. I can't imagine my life without him and believe me, through this whole process, I thought that might seriously be a possibility. I have learned to enjoy everyday and I know that sounds so cliche, but I really mean it. I am so thankful to have today with my husband and kids, because I know now that we might not have tomorrow. I have also realized what supportive friends and family we are surrounded by. All of the babysitting everyone has helped with during all of the doctors appointments and all of the prayers have been so appreciated. We are so blessed. Right now it is just a waiting game for the palsy to resolve. Ed has done a great job adjusting to the double vision. All in all, we are a stronger family for this experience.